23/12/2011

guess,nothing changed...im still not important to you,not anymore.

since your no longer replying, guessed this is my last post ba?

your time was never meant for me, so what if i needed you, so what if i missed you, so what till now i still wanna go back to the time when we were still together...you told me you were touched when i found you at your workplace, you told me your sorry for not going home with you, but you never took time to even text or call me...making up to me? haha what a big fat dream that i have there eh? haha...

if i could i would chase you back all around again,this time im sure it will be better but then again,you told me once. you never gave any of your ex a chance, but you broken that streak by giving ryan the chance, but i was never given anything... you asked me what i liked, i was kind of looking forward to receiving a present from you but the best present for me would be you...guess im asking too much ba? haha... dreams are meant to remain as dreams, wishes are never meant to come true, the fact that you never coming back has also become real...

i have been living in denial for 2011 of you never coming back...guess i have to face the fact,i lost my place, i lost myself and i have lost the only treasure i only had. here is something for keeps sake :)


a song that was once my life, has become a song that i feared the most, 想你的習慣 was introduced by you, and i made it my life as to miss you as a habit, but the effort was futile and that missing has broken me down till i can never be what i used to be. if you still remember the message where i said you were a star that guided me to safety whenever i am lost, guess what that star has faded into the sky where i can no longer see it, the star no longer wants to shine nor be a part in my sky

your always wanting to know how i feel right? heres what i really feel now...im broken to pieces, im sad, im suffocating, im dying...all these doesnt matter to you anymore right? haha...of all the things i miss about you were the lips that made me feel the sweetness of life, the hug that made me feel warmth in my life and that very voice of your "laogong wo ai ni, zhi ai ni yi ge"the strength that kept me going no matter what...all of those will , i can never hear, feel nor taste anymore...if time permits, i would like to make you my laopo once again.

-128ve980 laopo wo ai ni, i really need you in my life not as a friend but as my wife. guess these words doesnt mean a thing to you anymore after we broke up eh haha... imaginary angel signing off :)

18/12/2011

doesnt matter past or present , you still will never make time for me even if i went down to see you. you rather let some friend who goes to your work place often to send you home rather than me, who comes once in a twilight. wow the importance is shown, even as a friend i lose out badly , as a boyfriend im worst.

no place for me at all, you can even assume that i have a girlfriend when it was andrew and our friend prank called you. i was hoping you would bother to know what is happening, because the prank was that i had lost my phone. i wanted to see how much you still care for me... guess you dont care le ba? you just hanged the phone in an instance without hesitation, even if i lost my phone it means nothing to you. you can even tell me you have seen my true colours? just assume whatever you want like always , because you feel better that way isnt it? anything that makes you feel better you just take it isnt it?

you didnt know the main reason why i was at orchard didnt you? heres the main reason i hide from everyone, i wanted to see you, i missed you...yet you wouldnt even look me into the eye and just walked off as if you came out just to merely entertained me...



128ve980 - long forgotten , buried as a past

18/12/2011

doesnt matter past or present , you still will never make time for me even if i went down to see you. you rather let some friend who goes to your work place often to send you home rather than me, who comes once in a twilight. wow the importance is shown, even as a friend i lose out badly , as a boyfriend im worst.

no place for me at all, you can even assume that i have a girlfriend when it was andrew and our friend prank called you. i was hoping you would bother to know what is happening, because the prank was that i had lost my phone. i wanted to see how much you still care for me... guess you dont care le ba? you just hanged the phone in an instance without hesitation, even if i lost my phone it means nothing to you. you can even tell me you have seen my true colours? just assume whatever you want like always , because you feel better that way isnt it? anything that makes you feel better you just take it isnt it?

128ve980 - long forgotten , buried as a past

17/12/2011

here i was waiting for a never coming dream to come true...i actually waited for it... treating it as the best christmas present,yet it ends up as a blank cheque as always...when will you start putting away your things and spare some time for me... you will never do that will you? not even once

I'm sorry that i make you lose your world.whatever i try to do just cannot change anything.whenever i sms you ,you give me cold replies?what else can i do?i want to talk on the phone with you yet you said nothing?we seems to change.not as good as last time anymore..i really hate you keep saying about ryan.but you're just not willing to stop it no matter how angry i am.am i right?i saw all your fb posts and i hope you will be happy (:

Hey!this seems like becoming my blog to say what i don't wish to keep in my heart!hehe!hope you will never ever see this.i had been very busy with work and is very tiring .i only can use work to forget about you.i hope you enjoy your xmas! (: i will be working on xmas so that's it !haha

Love,Devil

you finally get to become a girl only for him le ba :) yay you ...no matter how hard i try to get you back, you will just say no right? even meeting up for a simple dinner proves to hard to be true haha...i've changed? arent you sick of it , keep saying that i have changed? when your the one changing towards that guy?

so what if i need you, so what if i still love you, so what if i still wanted you back as my laopo...you wouldnt give coming back to me a chance le ba?

ever since having him in that picture, you just erased my existance off like it was nothing.say that i dont message , you dont care about you. when i did, where were you? busy? shopping for your clothes for the entire week? just sacrificing abit of time for me seems impossible for you, messaging me seems to be a waste of time for you isnt it.

promised that you be that for the outings end up as a lie, a big big lie. my only chance of meeting you, yet you crushed it as if it was nothing... wow, its always about you isnt it? having everyone to orbit around you, i made you my world, but when you left, you left me with nothing, nothing at all. void , loneliness, hatred, rage ,sadness all this emotions made me feel like giving up the whole damn world but you wouldnt care less now wouldnt you? all you need was your ryan all this year isnt it...but all i needed was you but you dont seem to notice it not even now.

so what if you notice now, you wouldnt leave him for me wouldnt you. you told you cant love me because you have him in your heart, but you can go back to him with "me" in your heart? wow , so much for values, you told me how worthless i became over the year, you proved to me i am worst than me you destroyed my world....when i asked for you to save me you would rather stay with him, when he ask for you to save his world, you went there without thinking about me.

i hate it, i hate him, i hate everything...most importantly i hate myself for believing in giving in to the other partner , i would find true love....believing in something as fake as true love is as good as believing in the non-existence god, prayed as i may, prayed as i might, i prayed for your return but it never did happen...

since the day you left , you left with the faith and colours of life, nothing left . no love, no glory,no life....

128ve980 i need you , but you wouldnt ever come back for my sake even if i pleaded wouldnt you.

who are you?i kept asking myself.you changed..haha.my fault anyway!but don't worry .you'll never ever see me again.i'm gone just like you did.no more wan ting in lv outings ,or whatever.bye ! (:

End,Devil

I'm officially depressed..i need you now..but you're gone..i guess i won't come here anymore.my thoughts..my feelings..you'll never know anymore.bye.

28/11/11

does it matter now? you chose him , regardless how much i tried. he gets you cause you get to see him every single day, and i dont. if my death was truely caused but this pathetic reason, i should have died a thousand more

128ve980 nothing is the same anymore

Dear angel,i think i only can tell you this but nobody else...i told everyone the prom night is awesome but i lied..i don't even think is awesome.i lose everything including you..

Love,Devil

Hey my sleepy angel,my prom night is tomorrow and i went for manicure and pedicure.i ruin it and i paint it myself.i always think of you when i'm trying to make myself more pretty.are you still there?do you miss me?i still miss you wor.be happy kk!

Love,Your Devil

Hey angel,i realised this blog not long ago.after reading this i feel so sad..i know you're gone but you'll always be in my heart.i finally know how you feel and what i can say is sorry..i guess nobody will see this blog again and this will forever be in my heart.

And is this consider a blog for you and me?Haha

Love,Your Devil (:

you ended this

no love, no pride nothing left for me

128ve980 i will destroy this world.

the imaginary angel has been killed

15/11/2011

i hate this day, you threw me away , you wasted me you left me..... regardless the pass or future, im just like some idiot always giving in to you no matter what.... guess what? just one day i really will fulfill what i said, bringing this whole damn world down along with me, starting from that asshole.

128ve980 you're never here

14/11/2011

grats its your finally over with your o levels yay.... with that you still put my priority behind everything and everyone else....when you say i needed you , you will come, but when i actually told you, you will never be there you left me alone like you always do and did.

128ve980 you left me like you always did

13/11/2011

finally you messaged me , from your studies... guess what . you asked me to help you think of what you can wear from prom the first thing you asked. wow ...happy yes, but when i think of dressing you up for that bastard, i was reluctant. then again i asked where i stand, i refused to help you no matter how much i wanted to. selfish, childish,ignorance , call me whatever you want, i will never again make you to the girl closer to my dreams as you already are, not for anyone else any more.

do you know how much i wished i could vanish , when i saw those messages, back then a few days ago you told me this in a sad voice" do you wished i was back? " yes i wished, i wanted , i needed you back in my life, but now i asked that exact same question, but the answer is no le ba? you would rather be with a guy who hits you, then you left me hanging and speechless and you didnt even bothered about me after awhile wow... i guessed im totally replaced.

128ve980 my mask thickens

hey its just a few more days till that day that left that scar in your heart eh... i have been trying to redeem myself and cure that scar throughout the whole year after you left me, but you told me once. the scar that you left is something that made you lost all confidence in me nor trust me anymore...sad to say no matter how much do or did it can never heal that scar because you told me this once you made that scar, it will always leave a mark behind and you told me that, that is the reason why you never wanted to patch back ba haha...

well its just a few more days till your finally done with your o levels! yay! nonetheless, i still wished that you were still back with me, back like what we used to be, seeing couples out there everyday, makes my heart aches so bad that i wished, i could lock myself in my room.

as the day went past, your messages seemed to come lesser and lesser each day...today, we didnt even have a chat over 5 messages... perhaps your still studying, but i dont deny i wished you would drop your books and pei me....i really need you....

yesterday night when we on the phone, you kept saying that "you dont have anything to say to me today?" when i was about to hang, as much as i wanted to spill my hearts out and tell you how much i needed you, how much i love you , how much i wanted to you by my side...sadly i cant, because i had that mask on my face, the very mask i put on just for you.... i really wished if there was anyone in this world, i only want it to be YOU and only YOU.

128ve980 i need you now...

11/11/2011

hey its 11/11/11,what a special day...to others or you it maybe be special ...but for me , today without you is just like any other day... i couldnt tell you how much i wanted to spend this day with you. sadly, you had to attend your friend's birthday , i was all set to skip my work just to spend today with you...in the end , you didnt even message me after our afternoon text.

seeing couples on the street today reminded me of our past, no idea why, our past seems so vivid today...perhaps i really wanted you to be with me that badly...silly me, you would never sacrifice your friends birthday even if i asked you too...selfish as i am, on this special day i just wanted to have you around by my side.

guess what i couldnt gather 50 likes from the post i made...end up i could post this message:

laopo wo ai ni,

i've always loved you from the start

from the past till the present

the feelings only gotten stronger

stronger because i need you in my life

i need you by my side

128ve980

laopo

maybe one day you will see this, but i guess it wouldnt move your heart anymore will it? haha...

128ve980 i wished your by my side now...

10/11/2011

you didnt even bother to message me without me starting it first, all i can do was wait. when you replied i was happy to see your replies but those replies seems so cold, as tho everything you said last night was like just a dream and nothing more then a dream.

as selfish as i may be, i skipped work today cause of my leg injury, i was hoping that you would come and accompany, but yet i waited and waited for your reply , there wasnt much hope in you coming. my mood changed, for the worst and more. carrying that broken hope home was not something fun, especially when you broke them so many times. i really wished you were by my side today, tho i may not say it out loud, i really wanted you here... but you were sleeping away all day long and i couldnt contact you....perhaps your sleep has more priority over me as always...

finally im home and i went to bed with dreams and hope, but without fail, i really wanted to at least hear your voice. so i decided to text you again, to ask for you to wake me up at 8. using that chance i hope i could at least talk to you a little longer but when 8 came you didnt call, i continue waiting, reluctant to wake up from this nightmare, i waited.

finally 837,you called i was so happy as tho i was on cloud nine but everything crashed when you called and said, hey its already 837 time to wake up and you wanted to hang and go back to your sleep. yes, im selfish, yes i dont want you going back to sleep. i wanted you to accompany me but its not happening eh.... haha silly me

128ve980 i miss you

09/11/2011

hey ~ waited the whole day for your message but you didnt...haha stared at the phone more than i did my work :S when you finally replied...i found out that i wasnt important anymore, you couldnt care less i guess... hmmm i was feel so wrenched inside out nothing of me seems to bother you anymore.

i really wished you would come back , if i could i would like to go to your wall and post out the person i love when i have the 50 likes ,maybe i dont have the guts to do it, maybe im just using it as an excuse to let me say what i had kept inside at 11/11/2011 ...spineless arent i ? haha maybe im thats why i wasnt chosen but oh wells, i really wished we had a second chance and its just a few more day till our special day, yet you dont seem like you feel the way i do...silly me , why would you even bother

128ve980 , i wished we were back....

08/11/2011

released early today and i wanted to be by your side, too bad your mom bought everything ...imy you....i really do

knowing that you will not call for me again , thus i felt much more lonely then before,i wished that you were by my side...i need you

9:03pm i woke up from my sleep and i saw your message , i was so happy when i saw who the sender was and i you still thought of me as someone you wanted to depend on , im really glad , i really am... as much as i wanted to tear of the mask and fly to your side but i cant do it till you solved my puzzle and show you this blog... but i guess when you see this blog, you should already be with some else ... first day and everything turns to a bad , very bad start.

-128ve980 i love you... i really do...